I'm Having a Moment...

Tonight I’m feeling kind of melancholy, not sad, just ehhhhh. Like I need a girl moment; a me moment. No phones, no computers, no boys, no girlfriends, no boyfriends, no facebook, no myspace, no email, just me. Maybe my TV. Yeah, I’ll take the TV and the DVD…and some rain. You can’t have a melancholy moment without rain. Maybe I’ll watch Love Jones, Brown Sugar, Sex in the City, and The Breakfast Club. Ok, maybe not The Breakfast Club—no, leave The Breakfast Club – it’s my moment.

Maybe it’s PMS, maybe not. Maybe I need to clean up, I don’t know. But something needs releasing. No, it’s not that…something else. Like an emotion of some sort. Maybe tears, maybe not. Maybe anger. Don’t know. Not laughter, definitely not laughter. I’m always laughing and don’t feel like it right now. Just something. Maybe I just need to go to sleep…

Nope, not sleep…it was tears. Definitely tears. I’ll ride out with this for the rest of the night...

A Little Bite of Chocolate Never Hurt Anybody

As some of you may know, I have always, for some unknown reason, attracted younger men. I have also, for more obvious reasons, enjoyed the “company” of those young men. However, once I turned 30 I was officially grown. I told myself that if I’m ever going to settle down in more serious relationships then I have to make serious decisions about the guys I date. A week after I turned 30, I created the Age Rule, which was not to date any man that was more than 2 years younger than myself. Two weeks later I broke the Age Rule. Four weeks after that, the Age Rule was back and in full effect. As time progressed I realized that, like my diet, the Age Rule would be a lot harder to stick with. And today I had a nice piece of chocolate staring me in the face. I told myself that a little bite wouldn’t hurt. Would it?

The Scene – I was walking through a parking lot to my car and he was walking towards me. My first attraction was the deep brown skin. It was like his normal complexion was brown but he’s been spending a lot of time in sun. The second attraction was his swagger. It was a cross between a basketball player and a dope boy (yall know how dope boys walk…that I-don’t-give-a-f**k-walk). The third attraction was his clothes. He had on some kind of graphic T-shirt, baggy cargo pants, and Tims. Now, normally I would have been turned off by the Tims, but trust me when I say he was wearing it well. Once we meet up the conversation goes as follows… (His words are bolded)

Hello
Hi
(I say this giving minimum face contact and keep it moving. Must…stick…to….rule.)
Can I talk to you for a minute?
I don’t think so
(He’s persistent. He turns around and follows me.)
I’m saying, you gotta give me a little of your time. What’s your name?
(I stop when I get to my car and turn around.)
Blake
That’s different. I like that. My name is Rick
(He says walking up to me.)
Nice to meet you Rick?
(Ok, this was just standard, I always tell people it’s nice to meet them. I mean there’s no need to be rude!)
You coming from here?
(He’s talking about the restaurant I was coming from.)
Yeah, but it’s closed
Oh it’s closed? Dag, I was hoping we could go in and get something to eat.
Yeah, that’s not going to happen. How old are you?
24
Oh nooooo!
What? How old are you? 24, 25
(He got a point for that!)
30
I’m sayin’. I can’t talk to you because of my age?
Yup
Age shouldn’t mean anything. You live around here?
(He’s being persistent. I must admit. I like.)
No. Where you from?
Mt. Airy
What are you doing around here?
Just came from seeing my P.O.
(OK, I took my point back. And I was right – dope boy swagger and spending a lot of time in the sun)
Oh so you a baby and a trouble maker!
(He blushes, laughs a little, and kind of looks at the ground. I gave him his point back. I can’t help it. I love when guys do that!)
Naw, that was when I was younger
(I laugh.) When was that? Last week? So what are you doing to stay out of trouble?
I just enrolled in school. I start Temple next month.
Oh for real? What’s your major?
I’m just in the School of Liberal Arts now until I find out what I want to do.
(Ok, so he may be telling the truth)
That’s good. Stay out of trouble. But you’re just too young and I have to go.
Can I at least give you my number?
(He says as he leans back on the car. My eyes move down to…well, lets just say I wasn’t looking deep into his eyes. Houston – we have a problem!!!)
Ok, give me your number.
You’re going to break my heart if you don’t call me

Well I can’t break his heart…

So is it so bad to date a guy 3 or 6 times your Jr. Why is it a social faux pas for us girls and not for the guys? Most importantly, should I give Rick a call?

OK - You Have Gone Too Far!

The other day on my way home from work I was listening to Michael Basin, who was discussing to topic of wives being limited in the bedroom with their husbands. For whatever reason or belief, women were avoiding certain sexual behaviors with their husband because of their belief that is was dirty, not lady-like, or even unholy. It was quite surprising to hear some women refrain from doing things with their husbands that I’ve done…hell I’ve done by myself!

So should there be any limits in the bedroom between married couples? Let’s even take this a step further. Should there be limits in the bedroom with single couples? My personal belief you ask? There are no limits, but that’s just me – Don’t judge me!!!

At any rate, it’ll be interesting to get feedback on this topic from both my married and single friends. What is too far when it comes to sexual relations with our husbands and boyfriends? Do religious beliefs set limits on what we can do in the bedroom with our own husbands? Most importantly, do social norms set the standards on how we should behave when dating? What do you think?

Having Your Cake and Smashes Too

This weekend, while coming home from a weekend trip to Connecticut, my “date” received a phone call from a friend who apparently got himself in a situation that involved passion marks that didn’t come from his live-in girlfriend. I listened while my “date” gave his friend advice on how to handle his “issue.” Other than realize that our relationship was over before we even returned to Philly, I wondered, what ever happened to open relationships.

*Side bar – Just so you know, I probably could have handled the fact that my “date” seemed to have the “Lying and Cheating Manual” memorized, but during our weekend getaway I also found out that he doesn’t like The Boondocks! I know!!!

I asked my “date” this question and he gave three very good reasons open relationships won’t work (yes, I’m being sarcastic). The first: Every man should have a main girl. Unfortunately, your main girl won’t be everything you need, sexually, but she doesn’t need to know that. The second: Your main girl is the girl that you want to be with. The other girls are just “smashes.” The third: your main girl won’t tolerate you being with other girls (the nerve!) and therefore, you have no choice but to cheat. So to summarize, open relationships are a thing of the past because there are too many smashes out there that smash differently and because your girl is petty and don’t want you smashing the smashes, you cheat. That makes sense (again, I’m being sarcastic and trust me, I was wondering why he was there too!).

So, are open relationships becoming an endangered species, while cheating is the new monogamous? I think it’s a great thing when you can date more than one person at a time and not worried about lying or playing games. Sure we all ultimately want something long-term and stable, but until then, is it so bad to play the field?

Or perhaps, dare I say, it’s because both men and women are driven by the same emotions, which keep them from having an effective open relationship. In most cases, neither men nor women can accept the fact that their guy or girl is someone else’s guy or girl. Although men and women may deal with this emotion differently, they both hate the idea of sharing. So what do you do when you have a classic case of having your cake and wanting ice cream with whip cream too. You cheat. Is this what dating has come to?

*Side bar - YES, I changed the “having your cake and eating it too” saying…it’s a stupid saying. What the hell would you get cake for if you couldn’t eat it! Now “having your cake and wanting ice cream too” works better. The whip cream was just the result of my wondering mind.