Sunday, August 2, 2009

WANTED: A Good Healthy Relationship; No Ring Required

I’m looking forward to listening to this radio talk show with the ladies of the Pink Suite this Tuesday. Their topic is “Put a Ring on It or Not.” I’m excited because for the first time I’m hearing a discussion on a topic that I’ve been proclaiming for years. The fact of the matter is I’m just not that concerned with getting married.

I know, *gasp*, but it’s the truth. In most cases, when we get married we do it for a particular reason. It could be for religious reasons, it could be for money, or it could be because your daddy had that shot gun pressed against your future hubby’s back because of the bun in the oven that no one knows about yet. And let’s be real, it’s not love because you generally should have that before you get married – generally. Whatever the reason, it was that which guided you down the holy matrimony of wedded bliss.

I, on the other hand, don’t have a reason. When I tell people that I don’t want to get married, especially my fellow gal pals, it’s blasphemy! They all say the same thing “when the right guy comes along you will want to get married”, to which I reply, “no, that’s not it.”

Side barthat comment irritates the hell out of me! How the hell do you know I’m not with the “right guy” now, and who the hell are you to tell me that he’s not the right guy – YOU DON’T KNOW HIM!

Now, just so you know, this is not coming from the perspective of a girl that’s bitter because she feels like there are no good men out there.

Side bar - I’m knocking those girls because their experiences led them to this reality. I’m just not that girl.

Yes, I’ve dated some interesting characters but in my opinion they made for good story telling during girl’s night! More importantly, I’m currently with a guy that is simply golden! Let me tell you – I am head over heels in love with this man—open wide, like bowels after collard greens! And this is not that new love, we are approaching our one year anniversary, and for those that know me knows that this is a feat in itself.

Yet, I am still not pressed to get married.

It all boils down to this: In an age where people are already bringing a house, children, money, and success to the table of love, does this compromise the need for marriage? I mean really, what’s wrong with shacking up! Isn’t it possible to have a good healthy relationship without marriage?

Or, is it a social faux pas for couples to introduce themselves as “boyfriend and girlfriend” even after being together for years?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Real Mr. Right

Every now and then I’ll get a request to write on a topic that seems to be heavy on some of my readers mind. More recently a few of them were going through men issues and, finally, one of them posed this question: Why is it so hard to find a good man?

I know. This is so typical for a girl-related blog, but let’s be real - it’s definitely a question on many of our minds. Now I have my own theory on this but would love to hear your feedback.

My theory you ask? Well, I strongly believe that a good man is not hard to find at all. He’s usually standing right next to a good woman. What I’m saying is often times, both men and women will accept and overlook not so great qualities in other people because we ourselves have certain issues that we have yet to address. In other words, who and what we are will determine the type of person we decide to welcome into our lives. In addition, it will also decide how we will allow that person to impact and influence our lives.

Now we all know that there is no such thing as perfect, but we also know we accept things that we have no business accepting. For example, the guy that has a good personality, handsome, and educated, but lacks that perfect credit, may be someone to consider keeping around for a while. After all, credit scores can be repaired. However, that guy who has a nice personality, handsome, and a baby mom that for some reason believes they are still together, which was apparent when she called your phone and asked you why you were calling her boyfriend, may not be the one to keep around. However, for some reason we believe we can repair him as if he was a credit score, and before we know it, two years and two new babies by the baby mom later we are wondering why it’s so hard to find a good man.

I’m just sayin’. It’s not like this has ever happened to me.

At any rate, it was something within ourselves that made us accept that, and it’s that something that I’m suggesting we address in order to make room for Mr. Right.

Is that to say that once you address and resolve those issues then Mr. Right will come floating across the room like Gina did on that episode of Martin (LOL, remember that episode when Martin and Gina was describing when they met - “Can you dig it baby” HAHAHAHAHA *eh hem* ).

No, it’s not to say that at all. However, you will be able to confidently decide that there are some things you will just not accept. You will be able to see that Mr. Potential Right is indeed Mr. Wrong and get him out of there to make room for the real Mr. Right.

But that’s just what little ole me thinks…

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

She Gave Me the Keys...and then took them back because I was talking about her shoes!

I just read the most amusing blog on the She Gave Me the Keys Blogspot. For those of you who don’t know, Mr. Keys went on a rampage a few years ago about girls and flip-flops. His most recent one expressed not only his utter dislike for Uggs, but his appreciation for female wagon riders because it is because of you that he can easily see his compliment.

I know…the nerve! I have to admit, it was a good blog, and I think his overall message of individuality was a good one. I especially enjoyed the pictures of, I believe, Malinda Williams…

Side Bar: Malinda did look fly ladies. If you get a chance go to the blog and check out the blue bag she’s carrying…BANGIN’!

…who, it appears, he is comparing us to. We never get sick and tired of that, do we girls???!!! Being compared to celebrities, models, and yes even the video ho**, I’m sorry, I mean video vixens. Howeverrrr, using our choice of shoes as a reflection of our overall character, well…”GASP!”

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a sexy pair of shoes just as much, if not more, than the next gal. The excitement of finding that perfect three to four incher with just the right amount of girly, girl, sex appeal, and on sale, puts me on a high that no drug in this world can match!!! However, you know what excites me more – A man that recognized a woman on her hustle. Would I love to wear those perfect sexy, shoes that I found on sale all of the time? Of course. Unfortunately my daily grind just won’t allow it. There’s no time for sexy-walking…

Side Bar: I’m going to have to change that. There is always time for sexy-walking.

There is not time for sexy-shoe-wearing-it when you are rushing to the gym seven in the morning to try and get an hour workout in before your work day start. There is not time for sexy-shoe-wearing-it when you have an hour during your lunch break to run to the bank and/or the post office and/or the pharmacy and/or the market and/or the art supply store to pick the supplies for your kids project that’s due tomorrow that he conveniently told you about the night before but it’s really not all his fault because you read about it three weeks ago but just forgot to put in on you “To Do” list.

There’s no time for sexy-shoe-wearing-it to the event you have to be at in 15 minutes because the meeting that was supposed to be over at six didn’t end until 6:30 and that 45 minute travel time you factored in is now cut down to 15 minutes. Do you sexy-shoe-wear-it once you get to the event? YES!!! However, there is no time for sexy-shoe-wearing it back to your car that you parked two miles away because it was free and it cost $25 to park in town. Not to mention you just spent the last hour or so on your feet socializing and networking trying to build your clientele and/or get the word out about your business or the organization you work for so the idea of sexy-shoe-wearing-it to your car is out the question. Sure you can cab it, but then Mr. Keys will be blogging about you needing to lose weight and posting pictures of Rosie O’donnell, Monique, and Jabba the Hut on his blog page, so you are going to walk that two miles.

After repeating that routine throughout the week, you don’t feel like sexy-shoe-wearing it on the weekend. You feel like those flip flops, those Uggs, and in my case, those rain boots—YEAH I SAID IT...RAIN BOOTS, AND NO IT’S NOT RAINING! Do we still take advantage of the places where we can sexy-shoe-wear-it? YES! Do we take advantage of those places that don’t require sexy-shoe-wearing-it? YES!

“You are one beautiful woman!”

Nope, that’s not from a trendy song – just from a man that understands a woman is not defined by the clothes or the shoes she wears, but by her strong spirit, her dazzling personality, the depth of her knowledge, and her persistence and desire to some way, some how, make her mark.

So in return I’d like to thank Mr. Keys. No, not for making sure I see that blue bag that Malinda is carrying so I can try to find something similar. No, not for helping me realize that my rain boots are cool after all. I’d like to thank Mr. Keys for the book recommendation. Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking. I’m going to have to get that!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I'm Such a F**king Lady!

Ok, so I just finished reading a very funny blog about flatulence. That’s right ladies, an entire blog devoted to flatulence etiquette for couples ( I encourage you all to read it At any rate, it brings up a situation – hypothetical of course- that may help other girls out who may one day find themselves in this situation.

Let’s say, hypothetically speaking of course, that you are away with your guy for more than one night. And let’s just say that you went out to eat at a restaurant, ummm for the sake of the story we’ll use the Melting Pot. And let’s just say that while there, you got it in on the cheese and chocolate fondue. And let’s just say that, for the sake of the story, you are a vegetarian, so along with the cheese and chocolate fondue, you had a bunch of veggies for the entrĂ©e. And let’s just say that by the end of the meal, before you made it back to the room, your stomach was pretty ummmm…tore up.

In this hypothetical situation, you know it’s a wrap once you get back to the hotel room. How would you, being a lady and all, handle such a situation?

Thursday, November 27, 2008


In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I feel like it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t post a blog to express my sincere thanks. To my family, especially my sister and brother - one for her ear and shoulder, and the other for being that male figure in our boys' lives (and for other things I can’t say on this blog without possibly incriminating you) – you two really come in handy!! To my girlfriends – I am truly blessed to be surrounded by such a diverse group of females…from TZ and our circle of four, to K. Smalls and our circle of six, to GLAM…you have no idea of the impact you have made on my life and I appreciate you all! To my guyfriends –the only one that get it when I laugh about The Office, the only ones that can truly help me out when I say “what the hell was up w/ dude?”, and the only ones that value the friendship too much to let it become something more. To Ron for getting it. And lastly, to you all for taking the time to read, to reply, to listen, to help, and most importantly, to laugh.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

What A Day...

What A Day…

A few weeks ago I interviewed for this position; THE position. The interview went well. It lasted for about one hour and fifteen minutes and at the end the hiring supervisor said she was impressed and that my resume was very impressive. For two weeks I waited to hear something and then on Tuesday I got an email; THE email. As I read it my heart dropped to my stomach, bounced up to my throat and kind of lodged itself there for about 10 minutes. I didn’t get the job.

Now, did I mention that I really, really, REALLY wanted this job? So, to say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I sat there looking at the email, and re-reading it hoping that if would eventually say something different, but it didn’t. I was devastated. This was a very hard blow to my career aspirations. I felt defeated and I wasn’t quite sure if I would be able to recover so easily from this setback.

Some how I managed to looked at the clock and saw that it was almost time for my yoga class. Although I didn’t feel much like yoga, I decided that it was better than sitting there reading that email.

I don’t even remember taking the elevators to the gym, changing my clothes, grabbing my yoga mat, and setting up for class. I just remember sitting there to myself, quiet, and not talking. Now for those of you that know me knows that if I’m not talking than it’s a problem! This day I didn’t feel like talking. I just wanted the class to start and be over.

I half-assed yoga class because I didn’t really feel like striving for much. So when she encouraged us to raise our leg while in bridge, I merely stayed in bridge. The only thing I put my all into was the corpse pose. Man, did I lay there!!!!

At the end of class while we were in a comfortable seated position with our eyes close and hands to our hearts, my yoga teacher decided to read a poem by Langston Hughes entitled Dreams. As she read the poem the lump in my throat came back. After reading the poem she encouraged the class to always hold true to their dreams. With eyes still closed I bowed and “Namasted”, and with that bow the tears ran down my cheeks. With those tears I released the disappointing news that I had received earlier, the disappointment that I had with myself, and made room for something better.

I got to my desk and saw a new email. I was hoping that it was a retraction to the one previously sent, but it was from one the the VP's stating that because I did so well on a recent corporate campaign that I got an extra day off - I'll talke it! With that I forwarded the email to my supervisor letting her know that I was taking Friday off. A perfect start to my weekend getaway with Ron! Stay tuned...

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow

Monday, October 20, 2008

It's Not That Bad

Let me begin by apologizing for my absence. However, I have been extremely busy and it’s hard to find time for your hobbies when you are trying to juggle work, family, friends, and of course, dating. So, in order for me to continue writing I have to eliminate a few things. With that said, I am pleased to announce that I’ve quit my job and will only stay in contact with the family and friends who have lent me money over the past year (how else will the bills get paid, it’s not like I have a job! And I know you didn’t think I was giving up dating – how else is a girl supposed to eat!) HAHAHAHAHA—JUST KIDDING! The kids don’t need help with their homework, I spoke to my mom yesterday, I never bring work home, and uhhhh yeah I’m pretty dateless tonight.

This does bring up a very good discussion topic that many of us single girls can relate to. With so much to juggle in life, is being a jump-off so bad (HA bet you didn’t see that one coming!)? Hold on, hold on---let me explain, or better yet, let me set the stage. You’ve got a busy Saturday ahead of you. You have errands to run in the morning, a girls luncheon in the afternoon, and your latest guy’s birthday celebration at night. Unfortunately for you, you’re a hot ass and experimenting with the newbie is just not going to get it. You’ll have about 4 hours to spare between the luncheon and the birthday celebration AND you’ll be in an old fling’s neighborhood who you know can get the job done. Do you:

A. Jump off with the old fling
B. Jump in with the new fling
C. Jump off with yourself
D. Get your hot ass in a cold shower (does that really work?)

If I had to choose, (and this would be purely hypothetical because I am not that type of girl – I mean if this were for real I would clearly choose C), but I would pick A. I’m just saying—ok, so there’s like a .00000001 % chance that he’s calling you the next day (or the next month for that matter) but he got the job done, is there really a reason to hear from the guy again? There’s a reason he’s an old fling, and lucky for you it’s not because he couldn’t perform in the bedroom.

There are other situations where being a jump-off would be beneficial. I can give the PTA-meeting scenario, the lunch-break scenario, the “I’m-cooking-dinner-right-now-but-if-you-could-meet-me-out-front-in-10-minutes-that-would-be-great” scenario. There are plenty of scenarios – hypothetically speaking of course.

At any rate, for some people other things may take priority, which leaves little time for starting a serious relationship. In such a situation, is playing a jump-off role so bad?