OMG! - What Is That Smell?

Ok ladies. I’m about to go there. That place that we dare not go. That place that no one ever venture’s. Some things just deserve to be left alone. Some topics are just taboo. But I can no longer remain silent and I’m going in…

Ladies, what is the deal with our vaginas!

I’m just saying. It’s always something with that thing! Don’t front, you know what I’m talking about! I mean you may have, what, a good four days out the entire month where everything is running smooth with Miss Thang! Other than that, either you are experiencing symptoms because you are about to get your visit from aunt flow, aunt flow is visiting, or you are experiencing symptoms because aunt flow has left.

And don’t get me started on the ever-popular bacteria infection. Stop fronting!!! You know what I’m talking about. I decided during one of my trips to my GYN that I was fed up. I decided that my GYN was going to tell me what I need to do to stop these shenanigans once and for all. Here’s what her stank ass said…
• Try not to stress (I think this was the easiest of them all)
• Always wear panties with the white strip (no more Victoria Secret for me)
• Try to eat the right foods and stay away from unhealthy food (does that include organic cookies?)
• Avoid wearing clothes that are too tight (they make clothes that are not tight? Who knew?)
• Stay away from perfume or fragrance soaps (Ok, she is totally missing the point of using soap.)
• Always wear protection when having sex (by sex you mean….????)
• Avoid douching (I was just trying to do him a favor)
• Blah Blah Blah

What the EFFFFF!!!!! She knows half the stuff on that list is impossible. I mean come on – ALWAYS use protection?

And during those good days when things are running smoothly, have you ever explored Miss Thang. I mean, really explored. With a mirror and all. If not, you should. It’s the only way you’ll stop faking those orgasms. At any rate, is it just me? I mean, have you ever smelled your fingers afterwards? ILL!!!! That “essence,” as my GYN likes to call it, doesn’t exactly smell like that Bath and Body shower gel that you shouldn’t use. STOP FRONTIN’! YALL KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

Now look, I understand that things are a bit more complicated for us because our stuff is inside. But is it too much to ask for a month – ONE MONTH – where nothing is coming out of Miss Thang (well—almost nothing! See, that's why I have bacteria infections now!).

Is it too much to ask for one month free of maxi pads and panty liners without having to go to CVS for a home pregnancy test. Is it too much to ask for one month free of “guess that smell.” One month to use any soap I want. One month to wear all the Victoria Secret panties I want, in all the colors that I want. Just one month. Is that too much to ask?